My husband’s a cheat

Blame it on my muffin top and fat ass

Blame it on my low self-esteem

Blame it on our salty encounters

At one in the morning.

Blame it on the shit sex

Blame it on stale takeaways

Blame it on that time you made dinner

And I didn’t say thank you.

Blame it on our “conversations”

Blame it on our “chemistry”

Blame it on my horoscopes,

And your rock and roll posters

Blame it on fucked up childhoods.

Blame it on old age

Blame it on the promise of death

And the prospect of living with you.

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